10 hilarious German Shepherd secrets that’ll shatter your trust

German Shepard’s are one of the best breeds of doggo in the world today. They can protect you, your family, and your flock of sheep all for the low-low-price of a bowl of kibbles at the end of the day. But what if I told you there may be some things you didn’t know about your friendly pup. What if he or she was hiding a multitude of secrets from you? Secrets that, if exposed, could shatter the German Shepard/German Owner relationship for all time?

Read on, but be prepared to have your mind blown as these ten German Shepard secrets may cause you to think that they cannot be trusted

#1 Master hypnotists

It’s a well-known fact that anywhere from five to fifty percent of German Shepherd puppers are master hypnotists. What they do is stare at you with those big brown eyes, and before you know it, you’re doing whatever they want you to do. Could you say no to that face?


#2 A dark history of toy lives destroyed

They don’t call them “German Shredders” for nothing. Statistics show that your average German Shepard has a dark past where multiple chew toys have been mercilessly torn to bits. No motive, just wanton destruction. Let’s have a moment’s silence for the toys we’ve lost.. And have to pay to replace!


#3 Make up removal, right when you don’t want it

Maybe they appreciate your natural beauty; maybe they just wonder what the stuff you have on your face tastes like. Either way, German Shepards are adept at just coming up to you and licking your makeup off.


#4 No respect for boundaries

In today’s age of respecting people’s bodily integrity, German Shepard is a throwback to a bygone era. They’ll jump straight up on you, insisting on giving you 100% of their love whether you’re ready or not.


#5 Shedding without a care for allergies

We established that they get called “German Shredders,” but did you know they also get called “German Shedders.” That’s right, your faithful German Shepard has been molting without any concern for your cousin’s dog hair allergies. And to think I thought you were just a cute little doggo!


#6 Lying in wait just to steal your spot

Scene. You’re sitting on the couch watching the latest episode of that TV show you like. Can you picture it? Good. Then suddenly you get an urge, a knot in your stomach, a growl from your insides and you decide to get something to eat. You head off to your kitchen, prepare a nice salami sandwich and when you return you see your German Shepard. He’s taken your seat! And he wants some of your sandwich.


#7 Window nose-print specialists

German Shepard does not care for nice, clean windows. They’d prefer they were covered in noseprints. Just go outside Hans! I know that’s where you actually want to be!


#8 Aspiring comedians

Owning a German Shepard is like owning a teenage Jerry Seinfeld. He wants to hit it big, and he’s gonna keep doing hilarious things until you accept that he is, in fact, one of the world’s finest comedians.


#9 Chronic debaters

Ever taken your German Shepard to the park? Notice the way they never want to do what you want to do. Play fetch? Nah I’d rather sniff these other dog’s bums. Play chase? Nah I’d rather play fetch. They have their own ideas about the world, and they want you to know about it.


#10 King of Thieves

Above all German Shepards are kleptomaniacs. They’ll steal your heart, and there won’t be any way to get it back. They’ll take it with you wherever and they go. The good news is, you stole his heart first


I know it’s hard, but you had to know these secrets. Hopefully, with time you’ll come to understand them better, and you can forgive you German Shepard for keeping them from you. Here’s to a new chapter in your relationship, one of honesty and trust.

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